Tuile We Meet Again, Martha!- Tuile Leaves! -260 eggs, 195 1/2 cups of sugar, 198 3/4 sticks of Butter, and 245 cups of flour used so far- 21 recipes to go!

November 27, 2011


Martha's Tuile Leaves

André's Tuile Leaves decorating a Pumpkin Roulade

Again with the tuiles, Martha? I’ve decided that any recipe with a French name simply indicates it was written by an a**hole.

Tuile Leaves are a crisp, delicate, paper-thin cookie that requires working with a very thin, pancake-like batter and a self-made stencil of a leaf. I hacked up an old plastic milk carton to make my stencil which I placed over a silicone lined cookie sheet. I used an offset spatula to spread a very thin layer of the egg-white based batter over the stencil, painted it on, really. I repeated this four times per sheet, then placed the sheet in the oven to bake for approximately ten minutes until the cookies turned golden around the edges. I then had to work quickly to remove them from the sheet, making sure to burn my fingers each time, and place each cookie over a rolling pin so that it would curl into a fresh-fallen leaf shape.

This process took the better part of ninety minutes as each step had to be repeated ad nauseum.

How do they taste?

Well, they’re not terribly flavorful, with only a drop or two of almond extract in the batter to give a faint taste of wedding cake in each bite. They’re also not terribly substantial and so there’s no real sense of having eaten a cookie when biting into one.  The crisp cookie shatters and dissolves immediately much like the Catholic eucharist if it tasted like wedding cake instead of Jesus. Since these cookies really aren’t for enjoying, they do make a fancy garnish for a more substantial sweet- and that’s just what I used them for.

I baked a pumpkin roulade with a cream-cheese and candied ginger filling and these were the perfect decoration for this Fall-weather treat. So, if you’re looking for a cookie that’s more style than substance, that brings the fancy and not much else, Martha’s Tuile Leaves are for you.

I have been really enjoying writing these little poems, these little, wordy stocking-stuffers based on my friends’ holiday wish lists from when they were kids, the stuff they remembered asking jolly old Saint Nick for.  If you want the backstory on what these writings are all about, go back two posts to read how this little exercise got started. I imagine there will be at least two more posts based on this exercise since I received almost fifty stories from friends and readers.

I am under no illusion that any of these poems are terribly inspiring or really any good for that matter, but I’ve been enjoying writing them. Hope you get a kick out of reading them, too.

Here’s the third installment of a collection I’m calling, Dear Santa…

Little Leea wanted…

...a pink bike with a basket

Freedom is a new pink  bike,

  a basket on the bars.

I’d peddle through the heavens with

my basket filled with stars.

Little Michelle and Little Nicole wanted…

... a Cabbage Patch Doll

Moms, and aunts, and grandmas fought

to own your swollen smile.

They’d maul each other in the mall,

carnage in every aisle.

Like fabled Helen you inspired

this retail sparring match.

I curse whoever dragged you from your

goddamned cabbage patch.

Little Danielle wanted…

... a doll with adoption papers.

Don’t touch my doll!

You have no right

to fondle or to move it.

This doll is mine!

So, back off bub!

Legally, I can prove it!

Little Helene wanted…

... a Polaroid Camera

Click! Snap! Buzz!

A ghostly image appears.

I shake to resuscitate,

to revive,

to resurrect that moment in time

so it can, once again, live.

Mine to hold forever.

Little Kelly, Little Mary, and Little Joy wanted…

... an Easy Bake Oven

I’d like to be the one who makes

the most delicious mini-cakes.

The envy of my friends at school.

Inspiring all I meet to drool.

I’d bake each cake with love and care.

Martha Stewart had best beware.

Little Brandi wanted…

... for all of her presents to be donated to the poor.

But she still received one gift, …

... a garnet ring

If I only wished to do the right thing,

then why the hell am I dinged with this bling?

Little Susan wanted…

... a Go-Kart

 I wrote about Go-Karts once before.

Ah well,  I guess I could write one more.

Mom and Dad’s worry can be endured.

Just be heavily insured.

Look for the next post later this week. Have fun decorating for the holidays!

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One Response to “Tuile We Meet Again, Martha!- Tuile Leaves! -260 eggs, 195 1/2 cups of sugar, 198 3/4 sticks of Butter, and 245 cups of flour used so far- 21 recipes to go!”

  1. Brandi Tabor Says:

    Thank you so much Andre’ this made my season!


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