And the Bars Come Crumbling Down! Apple-Cherry Crumble Bars! -235 eggs, 178 1/2 cups of sugar, 180 3/4 sticks of Butter, and 223 1/2 cups of flour used so far- 37 recipes to go!

August 27, 2011


Martha's Apple-Cherry Crumble Bars

André's Apple-Cherry Crumble Bars

I have two dear friends who have decided to tie the knot and have asked that I officiate their nuptials this Fall. As part of the preparations, a dinner party was assembled for the bride’s and groom’s parents to meet me and my partner, Dan so that they’d know we weren’t Satanists or worse, Unitarians. Before the evening of the dinner I received several texts from the bride listing the topics I should avoid lest I “ruin her life”. Wanting nothing but happiness for her, I, of course obeyed the rules and stuck to the approved topics of conversation avoiding any topic that would make either set of parents uncomfortable. I hadn’t been in this situation since high school. All-in-all I believe Dan and I were charming. The bride and groom nervously flew about in the kitchen stirring a pot here and opening an oven door there while the two sets of parents sat exchanging pleasantries from around the beautiful new dining table purchased for this auspicious evening. From time-to-time, when the bride was able to exchange an undetected glance my way she’d give me a quick and pained expression that seemed to be saying, “Kill me. Kill me now.”  The two sets of parents were very nice people although quite different from each other. The groom’s parents were part of the country club set, both athletic, both remarried, both versed in the sport of golf, innocuous charities and boxed wine. They seemed to be proud of their youthful vigor and with the proper training they could easily be spokespersons for multivitamins and Viagra.

The bride’s parents were homey nesters from the Northeast. Devout Catholics with spiritually-based world views and  opinions and pew-shaped hineys. They recently returned from Italy where they were thrilled to view the Shroud of Turin. Dan and I thought that the authenticity of the shroud had been proven false but we listened attentively and nodded with feigned enlightenment. The groom’s parents did the same.

The meal was terrific, an offering of grilled pork and asparagus with delicious twice-baked potatoes. The bride and groom impressed and each were complimented for their culinary efforts. For dessert I prepared Martha’s Apple-Cherry Crumble Bars with French vanilla ice cream.

These bars were a cinch to make. A simple buttery oatmeal shortbread is run through a food processor until adequately crumbly and then pressed into a 13 x 9 inch pan. Dehydrated and chopped cherries and apples are reconstituted in apple cider over a low heat until most of the liquid is absorbed and then spread evenly over the shortbread crust. The remaining crumble is spread on top of the fruit and the entire pan is then baked for 35 minutes. Voila! Apple-Cherry Crumble Bars! They are delicious, too, a bit like warm cobbler in bar form. Ice cream gave them an extra kick of sweetness.

The bride’s parents loved them and the groom’s parents… well… they didn’t have any. The father, being a dentist, probably saw these as gingivitis in larval form. His wife, probably saw them as marriage-ruining hip padding and she wasn’t going to be having any of that but promised to enjoy some at a later, yet to be determined date.

The evening was, for all concerned, a success and we’ll all gather again soon to get these two swell kids married. I will not be baking cookies for the wedding. That said, I have to cut this post short so I can get home to bake a cookie for their shower tomorrow.

This isn’t much of a story but it’s been a long week and I’m a bit depressed because I’ve lost my sense of taste due to a freak neurotoxin consumed during a cookie mishap which I’ll write about in my next post.

In the meantime, lookup the recipe for Martha’s Apple-Cherry Crumble Bars. Head out to the health food store and pick up some dried cherries and apples and get to baking up a batch of these delicious treats. Don’t forget the ice cream.

Happy baking and even happier eating!

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2 Responses to “And the Bars Come Crumbling Down! Apple-Cherry Crumble Bars! -235 eggs, 178 1/2 cups of sugar, 180 3/4 sticks of Butter, and 223 1/2 cups of flour used so far- 37 recipes to go!”

  1. Mary Gemmell Says:

    I am laughing so hard I can hardly type… pew- shaped hineys did it for me.


  2. […] And the Bars Come Crumbling Down! Apple-Cherry Crumble Bars! -235 eggs, 178 1/2 cups of sugar, 180 3… Shroud of TurinStumbleUponDiggRedditFacebookTwitterEmailLike this:LikeBe the first to like this […]


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